2007 Fulmer Cup -- The Pre-Season Top Ten
Now that the preliminaries of the Hey-Could-You-Pass-the-Salsa BCS National Championship [sic] game are out of the way, it's time for the most eagerly awaited college football event of mid-winter, the 2007 Fulmer Cup, sponsored by the unsurpassed brilliance of EveryDayShouldBeSaturday. At the risk of stealing Orson's thunder (or because we would like to protect his neutrality as official Fulmer Cup scorer), let's run down the upcoming Fulmer Cup season.
As you probably recall, last year, Marshall rode its three yards and a cloud of misdemeanors strategy to an unlikely triumph for the little guys. Following a season of slowly but steadily accreting arrests, the Thundering Herd finally overtook Purdue on the weekend following the end of two-a-day practice in Huntington. In addition, former San Jose State footballer Ellis T. Jones earned a special individual achievement award for a one-man robbery and kidnapping spree that made California's "three strikes" law seem like a damn good idea. Finally, we should mention the fine performance by Delaware in I-AA errrr, the "Playoff Subdivision" last year. Unfortunately, that perfect storm of armed robbery and steroid dealing is unlikely to be topped as many of the Blue Hens' star performers are now playing in the New Castle County Penal League.
Can the Herd repeat? Who will be this year's Ellis T. Jones? Only time will tell. But in the meantime, we offer our pre-season predictions:
Fulmer Cup Pre-Season Top Ten (points earned last year in parenthesis):
1) Miami (FL) (4) – The 2006 off-season was relatively quiet in Coral Gables, perhaps too quiet by the 'Canes' standards, as the 2006 football season turned into one long crapfest punctuated by the ugly on-field brawl with FIU. Donna Shalala takes second to no one in her ability to look the other way at criminal behavior, but . . . well . . . 6-6 sucks ass. The U has turned to long-time trash talker and defensive coordinator Randy Shannon to turn things around on the field, but we're betting that he will first return the other Miami to its full off-season glory.
2) Tennessee (8 ) – Following an awe-inspiring 2005 campaign involving virtually every legal trouble known to the Model Penal Code that does not involve sheep (and, there, only because such activities are not outlawed in Tennessee), Phil Fulmer's boys were under unprecedented legal scrutiny in 2006 – and STILL managed a top 5 finish in the Cup. With the mainstream media moving on to stories in places you can actually fly to without changing planes in Atlanta, we expect Phat Phil's team to come on strong this off-season.
3) Ohio (2) – The betting here is that the Bobcats will be this year's Marshall, piling up a steady array of arrests, some of which may even involve players. OU was underrated in the 2006 Fulmer Cup, amassing 17 arrests between January 1st and the middle of the football season while attracting very little attention. With Frank Solich's commitment to personal responsibility ("I was *drugged* by those dirty hippies, officer!") and remaking the Nebraska teams of his younger days, we expect the Bobcats to be the top non-BCS contender in this year's Fulmer Cup.
4) Mississippi State (6)—Sylvester Croom's squad jumped the gun on this year's Cup when Arnil Stallworth was arrested last week for passing a counterfeit hundred at the McDonald's in Daphne, Alabama. We always admire ingenuity and white-collar entries in the Fulmer Cup, and we also condone Stallworth's decision to try this at home—since it's unlikely that any establishment in Starkville can make change for a hundred. Look for the Bulldogs to be strong contenders.
5) Ohio State (2)—The last time the Bucks played for the national championship, they spent the ensuing off-season fighting off the national media's renewed interest in the skeletons in every broom closet at the 'Shoe. Couple that with the boosters' enthusiasm for expensive handshakes and cheap car loans, and you've got a situation that even an AD *with* institutional control would have a hard time keeping quiet. Could history repeat itself in Columbus? Should we just start calling Jim Tressel "Cheatypants McFaust"?
6) Wisconsin (9)—While no single incident was a spectacular as Barry Alvarez's kid microwaving a parrot, Brett Bielema's squad posted a quiet, solid 2006 effort in both the Fulmer Cup and the regular season. We expect more of the same in 2007.
7) Georgia (4)—Until driver's ed becomes a major down there (hell, maybe it already is; we're Yankees), Georgia stays in the pre-season top 10. Of course, UGA could move up quickly if the local Domino's has a special on wings and stuffed crust pizza.
8 ) Marshall (15) – We'd love to pick Marshall to repeat, but something in our gut tells us that one of the traditional Fulmer Cup powers will outshine them this season.
9) Purdue (12)—We just can't imagine Purdue being as strong this season, but, then again, Garrett Bushong is still on the team.
10) Florida State (0)—After the 'Noles paid tribute to Jeff Bowden's offense by failing to score a single point in the 2006 Cup, FSU doubters may think that the school that brought you Peter Warrick's wardrobe and Chris Rix's visions of Jesus may be losing its touch OFF the field, too. But, like the lemmings who vote in the AP poll, we just can't resist putting Bobby's boys in the top 10. Consider it a lifetime achievement award for the godfather of the modern Fulmer Cup.
Others receiving votes (with last year's point totals in parenthesis):
Florida (6), Iowa (5), Indiana (4), Louisiana Tech (4), New Mexico (4), Texas (4), UCLA (4), Utah State (9)
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