Red Army On The March

mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:01 am Post subject: Red Army On The March

=>Red Army left Ft. Oxford earlier this morning and marching with full armor towards Ft. Hamilton.

More reports to follow from this embedded reporter.

Red Army Flag.
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mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 11:19 am Post subject:

=>Red Army has reached Ft. Hamilton. 300 ships were waiting at the docks. The Red Army boarded the ships and began sailing south down the Great Miami River as bands played "Love and Honor" from the banks. Cannons on the ships fired in salute.
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SlickSkillet · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 11:49 am Post subject:

mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:35 pm Post subject:

=>Red Army and Navy just sailed past Ross.
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RedskinSmitty · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:36 pm Post subject:

I witnessed the march of the Red Army from my office overlooking downtown Hamilton. The air was filled with cheers (and womens undergarments) as the mighty procession made its way to the banks of the Great Miami River, and grown men were moved to tears as the armada set sail. I would like to offer a special thanks to the Butler County Sherrifs office for releasing the Hamilton Chapter of the UC Alumni Association to provide a "shovel detail" behind the elephants. Let's hope Thursday brings a triumpant ticker tape parade from old Fort Hamilton to the Texas Roadhouse for Hawktalk!
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Alum2 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:43 pm Post subject:

I understand as they departed Ft. Oxford, and prepared to enter into the vast wasteland beneath the dark shadow known as Huntington, Lord Hoeppner was heard to exclaim:

“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of men fail, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. This day (and tomorrow) we fight!”

mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:45 pm Post subject:

=>UPDATE:

Red Army and Navy dropped anchor in Miamitown. General Hoeppner became concerned of LGI sabotage after many of the crew on the hippie herb-smoking university were glowing green when below deck and out of sunlight. It has been determined that the glowing green was not caused from sabotage, but just the usual Fernald radiation. The fleet has again set sail as Miamitown citizens waive the Red Army flag and shoot off fireworks.
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Bash Riprock · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:49 pm Post subject:

This is so exciting!! Smile

MUfan · The Doctor Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 12487

Young boys run alongside the Red Army, one day hoping to be under the command of Lord Hoeppner. They play out small battles, hoping some day to fil the roles of gallant men such as Sir Nande of Grand Rapids, the tall & quick-footed Nance, and the awe-inspiring Pusateri.

Old men stand by and salute the Red Army as it passes, tears coming to their eyes as they remember their day as RedHawks/Redskins. They realize that the time is now - the time for these young men to fulfill their destiny.....to become who they have trained to be - the men of MIAMI!!!!!!
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RedskinSmitty · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:57 pm Post subject:

I can't wait til the Red Army stops at Hooter's at Newport on the Levee!
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mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:00 pm Post subject:

=>As the Red Army and Navy left Miamitown, I got a cellphone call from a Huntington reporter by the name of Charles Landon doing a story on the invasion fleet. He was happy to talk to me because he too is an "imbreded reporter." I did not bother to correct him.

(I KID PEOPLE, I KID!!).
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MUfan · The Doctor Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 12487

Question......is the Red Army sailing on an arc? If so, how many Dannys could the arc fit?

*ducking*
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DevilGrad · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:02 pm Post subject:

mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:26 pm Post subject:

=>As the Red Army passes the banks of the tiny hamlet of Gieringer, the Gieringians row in their tiny canoes up to the grand ships (and arcs). They offer fresh baked bread, possum stew, and cheeseburgers to the hungry arms. Helmsman Hodge offers to bring back Goddard's head as repayment for Gieringian's kindness.
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mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 3:03 pm Post subject:

=>The Red Army and Navy reaches the mouth of the Great Miami River as it empties into the Ryne River (formerly Ohio River but Ohio U. lost given me the naming rights). The Invincible Armada turns east to go upstream on the Ryne. Herdiban spies are seen on the bluffs...
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MU CLEVELAND 01 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 3:09 pm Post subject:

Too funny!

darrtowndawg · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 4:20 pm Post subject:

As I sign off for the evening I would like to wish the red army that will read this good luck in battle in Huntington.

We shall never view our mission lightly
Like those who have nothing to lose
Rather,we carry our brothers tightly
Precious cargo in those times we choose

Heaven will help not those who come between
Our home,our path,our goal
For fury shall be brought to bear;
Against oppression,death our toll

What becomes of you ,my friend
Whence we release you from our hawk's grasp
Only a few shall ever know

But believe during those long hours
That Redhawks are near
And fear your enemy will know.

Lets kick some ass!!!!
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Alum2 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 7:09 pm Post subject:

I fear, for we have not of late received any reports of the journey of the Red Army.

Perhaps they have made camp for the night?

MU CLEVELAND 01 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 7:51 pm Post subject:

i think this thread is one for the archives...

Alum2 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:11 pm Post subject:

There is an evil wind in the hills of Oxford this dark eve... rumor and fear are in the air. Has some ill befallen the brave scout Mollautt? Why no reports of the passage of our men? Is there no man among us with courage in his heart? Dare we not speak of the evil ones past the setting of the sun?

RedSteve · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:39 pm Post subject:

I communicated with the brave mollautt earlier this evening. He had to part ways temporarily with the Red Army just after they made camp just upstream on the Ryne. He said something about having to get anti-urine umbrellas at Sam's Club Frontier Outfitters. He was hesitant, however, that the marshall grad manager might "lose" the entire inventory if he found out mollautt's true reason for wanting the supplies. So he planned to ask for a case of cheezy poofs too.
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mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 9:05 pm Post subject:

=>Alas, I return after a stay in Lawrenceburg, Indiana (seriously...I was there for a visitation of a deceased uncle) with a plethora of urine unbrellas and cheesy poofs.

The fleet has finally settled in for the night on the Cincinnati Public Landing. The Red Army has camped in the Over-the-Ryne area for the evening. Unlike most armies which would spend the evening wenching and drinking grog, the Red Army has settled in camp reviewing the plan of attack for the coming evening. Plus the only women they find in the area are sUCks chicks who wear too much black lipstick and eye makeup on their way to the Warehouse on Vine. The Red Army is just not interested in sUCks culture-queer chicks. Exclamation

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redhawks1977 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 9:22 pm Post subject:

be sure not too accept anything food from strangers with less than a dozen teeth, although they were unsucessful in their attempt to poison their rival high school football team, they will not hesitate to give you the bubonic plague

mollautt, tell the rest of your tribe to find a sheep herder from the hills to taste test all of your edible items before consuming them for themselves

and stay close to the river ryne, it will lead you to the end zone, after a block in the back or two Wink

Alum2 · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:02 pm Post subject:

All praise and glory to Mollaut, who has braved many dangers, (real and imagined) to bring us these reports. I can hardly wait for dawn, when the troops take up arms and begin their descent upon the village of the mountain trolls.

mollautt · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:07 pm Post subject:

=>CAMP REPORT: While going over battle plan (aka "The^Marshall Plan") in the command tent, a bug was discovered underneath a chair. Instead of destroying the bug, Field Marshal Montgomery decided to relay misinformation to the bug. If the Herdiban's initial battle formation is to line up waiting to receive an onside kick, you will know the trick was successful.
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