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mollautt
Credible Threat and Board Hussy
Joined: 26 Jun 2002
Posts: 21883
Location: Milford, Ohio
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 Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:20 am Post subject: Facts Of Akron |
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=>Just for sh!ts and giggles, I posted on Zips Nation some "facts" about Akron that the mother of an Akron target (Zeke Marshall-ranked #61 in nation by Scout) should know about.
http://zipsnation.org/forums//index.php?showtopic=9185&st=15&gopid=60037&#entry60037
Below is the text of my post:
| Quote: | =>Dear GameChngr54 (AKA "Zeke Marshall's mom"),
As I have read through this and other threads, you have indicated that your son Zeke is strongly considering the Akron Zip basketball program. As I think all the fine Zip fans here would agree, it is important to make an “informed” decision about the schools a student-athlete is considering. As such, as an unbiased and neutral observer* , below are some facts about Akron that you may or may not know:
Akron Beacon Journal investigative reporter Irwin M. Fletcher next week will print his findings from his two month long investigation into the Akron-Al Qaeda connection.
UA’s President is actually a CIA operative who requires all incoming freshman to be barcoded and microchipped.
James A. Rhodes Arena (AKA the “JAR”) was built on the site of an ancient Indian burial ground and is now inhabited by poltergeist.
Also, the oldest building on Akron’s campus was designed and built by a Gozer worshipper.
The old football stadium, the Rubber Bowl, is not actually made out of rubber. An egregious case of false advertising.
The pastor of Coach Dambrot’s church is a known associate of both Louis Farrakhan and Al Sharpton.
At no point in recent history has Canada or Pennsylvania attempted to annex Akron. That is telling.
Coach Dambrot believes “Coach Keith Dambrot” is an anagram for “I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.” Sure the letters do not match up…maybe he has a learning disability.
Akron is Browns country. No place for someone from western Pennsylvania.
Akron greatest contribution to scientific research was the chemical formula for crack cocaine. Hence the reason UA is known nationwide as crAkron.
Akron’s chemistry department is actually a working meth lab. Proceeds from meth sales fund the athletic department.
Akron’s male to female ratio of 99 to 1 makes it very difficult for male students to get dates.
Akron spelled backward is Norka. wink wink.
Coach Dambrot has warrants in Fargo. That is why Akron never plays a road game in North Dakota.
A common misconception is that Zippy is a student inside a ‘Roo costume. In actuality, Zippy is a live giant rodent who is fed newborn babies by the athletic booster club (which is a front for an ancient pagan rat worshipping cult).
On a road trip to Ohio University back when Dambrot coached Central Michigan, he shot and killed one of his players for snoring too loud. It was well covered up of course.
If you play the Akron fight song backwards you can faintly hear a distorted “666” and “Paul is dead.”
* As I said above, I am an unbiased observer. In no way am I bringing about the above facts out of concern that your son will face my alma mater (Miami) 2 or 3 times a year for 4 seasons. That has never even entered into my mind. I just wanted to present to you the facts about Akron. Like Fox News, I am fair and balanced.  |
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HawkLBacker
Wealthy Alum
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 4145
Location: Somewhere between the Power I and the Spread
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:56 am Post subject: |
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| you're really an evil person.......and i love you for it! |
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MrG
Wealthy Alum
Joined: 05 Jun 2002
Posts: 14047
Location: Between a Migraine and hard place.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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That's funny as heck! I can't wait to see what their response is, or what fun facts the KSU Fan(s) add to the list...
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ESPN is to the BCS what FOX News is to the Republican party. Though it is hard to tell who's got their head up the arses of the other farther. Rest of the world, just has to watch their interests flicker by on the ticker tape meanwhile. |
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